Fireworks Funnies
Public Service Announcement on Fireworks Safety
Click on picture for a Real "Hot Dog"
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| 14. Business card reads, "Sponsored by St. Luke's Burn Unit." | 13. His degree, from the Wile E. Coyote Demolition Academy, is an *honorary* degree. |
| 12. Teaches the kids to free up their hands by lighting fireworks in their mouth. | 11. His grand finale involves pork & beans and a Bic lighter. |
| 10. Wants to synchronize the 4th of July display to Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise." | 9. The punk he keeps trying to light has orange hair and a nose ring. |
| 8. He finally shows up on July 6th smelling like a refinery. | 7. Big Fourth of July show ends with 50-foot tall sparkling message: "Happy Bar Mitzvah, Howie Goldfarb |
| 6. Asks if he should shoot off Quaker Puffed Rice or Oats when the 1812 Overture begins. | 5. Theme of the fireworks display: "The Jihad Against the Beer Swilling Pigs Begins" |
| 4. Tied a monkey to a skyrocket "so's I can get me a grant from NASA!" | 3. He wants to know if he can "borrow" your dog for the finale. |
| 2. Insists on humming the "Mission Impossible" theme every time he lights a fuse. | and the Number 1 Sign You Hired The Wrong Fireworks Expert... |
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1. For kicks, sticks roman candle in empty eye socket and chases kids around.
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